GETTING SOMETHING OFF MY CHEST | PANIC ATTACKS

I am writing this post whilst sat at my desk eating a plate of hash browns with roughly 20 minutes to spare before I need to leave for a lecture. LIFE. 

It's Monday and the weekend is (sadly) over and I just wanted to get a few things off my chest, and what a better place to do just that. 

Some of you may have seen my latest video, 'Get ready with me for a night out' which was uploaded yesterday and has been extremely popular so far, so thank you everyone! Anyway I just wanted to touch on a topic that I briefly mentioned in that video, panic attacks. 

Although panic attacks thankfully aren't a super regular thing for me, I do experience them every once in a while. Sometimes, they're triggered by certain situations but they can also come on for absolutely no reason at all, which are a lot worse to control. I mentioned in my video that I'd previously had a panic attack the last time I went clubbing, so was quite anxious about it happening again. I was looking forward to going, but a part of me couldn't shift the anxiety and throughout the build up to leaving, I could feel it getting worse. I pushed through because I didn't want to just 'give in' and let my friends and myself down, so I went. As bad as it sounds, I think if I had been a bit drunk, I would have been okay, but even after drinking a bottle of wine I didn't feel drunk at all and as soon as I stepped foot in the club, I knew I'd made a mistake. I just didn't feel comfortable at all, it's just not my thing. After about half an hour, I stepped outside to get some air which was a stupid idea because I then ended up losing the girls I was with and that's when I started to feel panicky. I couldn't get hold of anyone and after trying for a while, I could feel my anxiety getting worse so I decided to remove myself from the situation and just leave. Once I got home, I couldn't stop crying because I felt like such a failure. I just wanted to be normal and capable of having a night out with my friends.

The next day I felt much better and had a good think about it all, and decided I wanted to write this blogpost. 

I love going out with my friends and drinking and having fun, don't get me wrong. I guess I've now just realised that clubbing isn't for me, and that's okay. I'd much rather go to a pub or bar and have drinks and there is nothing wrong with that. I wanted to get this off my chest incase any of you reading this have been in a similar situation or suffer from panic attacks too and just needed a bit of reassurance that it's okay.

I'll give clubbing a miss for a while, but who knows in a few months time I might fancy trying it again! I'm just going to do whatever I feel comfortable with and not push myself into a situation I know I'll probably find uncomfortable. 

Emily Rose